I almost started crying on the drive home this afternoon. This is probably caffeine induced for the most part. Jack will be the first to tell you that I tend to be more prone to wilder emotions when I'm heavily caffeinated. This may also be because the amount of caffeine I've ingested is directly related to how tired I am and I am much more prone to being emotional when I'm tired, which I am (btw, did you know that at Starbucks a dark roast + espresso shot is known as a "redeye"? I apparently now drink something with a cool code name. In hindsight, that may be a bit depressing, but I digress).
Caffeine aside, the tears were prompted by an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. Working in a high school and listening to your S Club 7 pandora station trigger emotions. Especially the "working in a high school" bit when graduation is soon upon you. Yesterday the juniors received their class rings in a special Mass. This is a much more important thing than getting either of my class rings. I'm almost certain in high school we just picked them up at lunch, although if anyone remembers differently, please let me know and I'll try to dig that out of the recesses of my mind. But in the presentation of our rings, Tim (our principal) gave a nice speech about the importance and symbol of the rings. It's a very tangible way of showing that a life change is happening.
I have no idea where my high school ring is. In the long run the actual ring and the matter of graduating high school don't seem that important. My Rice ring is very important to me. It's a symbol of making it through a difficult four years, of the beginning part of being an adult, of sleepless nights both by necessity (school) and by choice (spending time with friends that now live too far away). My wedding band even more important. It's a symbol of something I've been committed to, am committed to, and plan to continue being committed to for the rest of my life. It's a symbol not of just an accomplishment, but of a work in progress. Or I should say the engagement ring is the symbol of the accomplishment and the wedding band the symbol of a hope for an accomplishment. Maybe that's why people eventually stop wearing the engagement ring, but always keep the wedding band- to remember that you aren't done yet.
But my high school ring is lost somewhere in a box. In a sense, losing it wasn't what elicited the almost tears. Gillian took video of the ceremony yesterday and was making a youtube video compilation of it and the pictures we took. My great contribution to these videos is finding the music to accompany them. In googling "graduation music" I found gads of lists of the same music at our graduation ceremony ten years ago (good grief it was ten years ago, Jack and I went to his class reunion on Saturday which is an entirely different sentimental story of feeling both very old and very young at the same time). Did I mention that music tends to make me cry? Also that my friend Megan, who I've known since middle school, is getting married in late August and it's one of the last Houston things we'll do before moving?
So as I'm listening to the music of my adolescence AND thinking about how we're almost at the end of a school year and these children are about to leave and become adults and another crop is cycling into their position AND thinking about a group of friends I've had for 16 years it all kinda hit.
It's a rush of having endless possibilities in front of you and not being cynical. These juniors take their rings and become seniors. The rings are a symbol of the path that's just opening for them. It's the seniors that believe that the friendships they have and their youth and possibilities will extend forever. It's the promises we make to ourselves that we are both going to change entirely and not change at all. It's how unrealistic high school can be.
But periodically even my cynicism gets checked. We do reinvent ourselves, but I think (I hope at least) that the best parts of us remain. We do still have possibilities ahead of us, even if they aren't as endless anymore. We manage to keep a hold of the people close to us even though lives and geography keep us apart. It took ten years and a stupid ring ceremony to realize that it's irresponsible to think that the expectations of high school seniors are folly. They may be slightly unrealistic, but they aren't as bad as I often imagine them being.
So I'm thankful that I've lost my class ring, but that I haven't lost who I was at 18. I've been forged like a ring, refined, but of the same essence. And I'm thankful that I still have a group of girls that knew me at 12 and liked me at 12 and still likes me. Your family is what helps form you, but I think the people who willingly choose to associate and love us refine us. They were the first peers to help refine me, so Jack- you have a lot to thank them for (and future people- you can thank Jack and my Rice friends and Truett friends and South Main friends and soon to be Aberdeen friends for continuing that).
Caffeine aside, the tears were prompted by an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. Working in a high school and listening to your S Club 7 pandora station trigger emotions. Especially the "working in a high school" bit when graduation is soon upon you. Yesterday the juniors received their class rings in a special Mass. This is a much more important thing than getting either of my class rings. I'm almost certain in high school we just picked them up at lunch, although if anyone remembers differently, please let me know and I'll try to dig that out of the recesses of my mind. But in the presentation of our rings, Tim (our principal) gave a nice speech about the importance and symbol of the rings. It's a very tangible way of showing that a life change is happening.
I have no idea where my high school ring is. In the long run the actual ring and the matter of graduating high school don't seem that important. My Rice ring is very important to me. It's a symbol of making it through a difficult four years, of the beginning part of being an adult, of sleepless nights both by necessity (school) and by choice (spending time with friends that now live too far away). My wedding band even more important. It's a symbol of something I've been committed to, am committed to, and plan to continue being committed to for the rest of my life. It's a symbol not of just an accomplishment, but of a work in progress. Or I should say the engagement ring is the symbol of the accomplishment and the wedding band the symbol of a hope for an accomplishment. Maybe that's why people eventually stop wearing the engagement ring, but always keep the wedding band- to remember that you aren't done yet.
But my high school ring is lost somewhere in a box. In a sense, losing it wasn't what elicited the almost tears. Gillian took video of the ceremony yesterday and was making a youtube video compilation of it and the pictures we took. My great contribution to these videos is finding the music to accompany them. In googling "graduation music" I found gads of lists of the same music at our graduation ceremony ten years ago (good grief it was ten years ago, Jack and I went to his class reunion on Saturday which is an entirely different sentimental story of feeling both very old and very young at the same time). Did I mention that music tends to make me cry? Also that my friend Megan, who I've known since middle school, is getting married in late August and it's one of the last Houston things we'll do before moving?
So as I'm listening to the music of my adolescence AND thinking about how we're almost at the end of a school year and these children are about to leave and become adults and another crop is cycling into their position AND thinking about a group of friends I've had for 16 years it all kinda hit.
It's a rush of having endless possibilities in front of you and not being cynical. These juniors take their rings and become seniors. The rings are a symbol of the path that's just opening for them. It's the seniors that believe that the friendships they have and their youth and possibilities will extend forever. It's the promises we make to ourselves that we are both going to change entirely and not change at all. It's how unrealistic high school can be.
But periodically even my cynicism gets checked. We do reinvent ourselves, but I think (I hope at least) that the best parts of us remain. We do still have possibilities ahead of us, even if they aren't as endless anymore. We manage to keep a hold of the people close to us even though lives and geography keep us apart. It took ten years and a stupid ring ceremony to realize that it's irresponsible to think that the expectations of high school seniors are folly. They may be slightly unrealistic, but they aren't as bad as I often imagine them being.
So I'm thankful that I've lost my class ring, but that I haven't lost who I was at 18. I've been forged like a ring, refined, but of the same essence. And I'm thankful that I still have a group of girls that knew me at 12 and liked me at 12 and still likes me. Your family is what helps form you, but I think the people who willingly choose to associate and love us refine us. They were the first peers to help refine me, so Jack- you have a lot to thank them for (and future people- you can thank Jack and my Rice friends and Truett friends and South Main friends and soon to be Aberdeen friends for continuing that).
To reinforce the cyclical nature of things, listen to one of the not used songs from the graduation song lists, "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup.
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully written. Every time I see you guys, I am reminded that there are those who have loved us through every stage of our lives and continue to love us. I know we don't see each other enough, but those times we do...it's as if no time has passed at all. I miss you guys and I will miss you so much when you move!
ReplyDelete