I just dropped off 5 boxes of books to be sold back to Half-Price Books. This is the first installment of "EEK! We're moving and have too much stuff!" frantic need to clear things out trips. My car can comfortably hold 5 boxes and an extra passenger. Looking through 27 years worth of books, well maybe 20- the earliest book I think I found was from a garage sale in Iowa when I was 7, made me stop to reassess how we flow through our lives (my mind wanders into existential thought a lot, btw).
The common saying is that we close a chapter in our lives and move on, but I'm not overly fond of that sentiment. Chapters mark such a brief period. I'd rather think of my life as a series of books. I was apt to get rid of either entire series (sorry Baby-Sitters Club) or single books (sorry/notsorry Toni Morrison), but the good series I held onto. The most cumbersome being Harry Potter. I can't break up an entire story. Sure there are parts of that series I don't care to reread. I don't reread when Dumbledore dies (sorry if that was a spoiler, but 7 years and 8 movies later you should know). The beauty of a well written book series is that you don't want to lose any part because it's important to the outcome. Harry Potter doesn't become who he is without the books I don't like, and he also doesn't become the person he is without the books and chapters I love to reread off-handedly.
And I think that's how I look at the timeline of my life. My time at Rice is a book in itself. There are chapters of that book I wouldn't reread, any economics classes I took at Rice fall into this, but those chapters made up the third installment of my life. High School, an installment as well, is probably a book I wouldn't choose to reread. There were good parts, but overall it just wasn't extraordinarily wonderful. But it had to happen.
I'd reread my book on Truett over and over again, even though the ending isn't what I had hoped for. There are wonderful characters in my life, some continual and some periodic, that are with me on this story, our stories intertwining in a grand narrative that is collective life. But ultimately I am the author of my life and it's my story and at times I make the choice of when a book is ending.
Which is all to say that two weeks ago I resigned from my job. The details and reasons aren't important for the sake of this blog, I was already leaving at the end of my contract because of Aberdeen. I've waited to announce this because my clarity grows as my emotions become less raw. In the midst of big decisions I am only emotion, tempered by reason (this is why Jack is a vital character in this story, he's often more reasoning and less emotional than I am). Last week I slept and that sleep lead to clarity. I'm still not 100% sure of my decision, but I'm sure enough and I believe that having faith in anything, especially yourself, means never being 100% positive of anything.
You have to hope that you're making the choices that keep the story on track.
At the same time, I've been clinging to Eccl. 7:8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Good stories depend on the endings. The next book isn't going to open unless the last one finishes, and in that new beginning every possibility exists. I'm anxiously awaiting to see what this next book will hold.
So the book in the series that is my time at Pope John XXIII High School closed today. I say today instead of two weeks ago because today I got a note from one of my student council students. She thanked me for being a great role model and serving with StuCo this year. And that's where I want this book to end. I want my time to have been marked by helping a few students grow and by the friendships I made there. Our stories are too brief to be written about our work unless that work impacts those around us positively. The note makes me feel like the final chapter has closed and I can move on to the next chapter of the next book. I'm pretty sure this chapter will be entitled "Claire frantically prepares for Scotland and tries to learn German" or something similar.
I hope that wherever you are in this chapter of this book of your life, you know that it's still a work in progress. No one's story is ever perfect. Dumbledore dies sometimes. But then the most boring stories in the world are those without conflict, without failure, without redemption. Keep writing your story and make it something worth saving.
The common saying is that we close a chapter in our lives and move on, but I'm not overly fond of that sentiment. Chapters mark such a brief period. I'd rather think of my life as a series of books. I was apt to get rid of either entire series (sorry Baby-Sitters Club) or single books (sorry/notsorry Toni Morrison), but the good series I held onto. The most cumbersome being Harry Potter. I can't break up an entire story. Sure there are parts of that series I don't care to reread. I don't reread when Dumbledore dies (sorry if that was a spoiler, but 7 years and 8 movies later you should know). The beauty of a well written book series is that you don't want to lose any part because it's important to the outcome. Harry Potter doesn't become who he is without the books I don't like, and he also doesn't become the person he is without the books and chapters I love to reread off-handedly.
And I think that's how I look at the timeline of my life. My time at Rice is a book in itself. There are chapters of that book I wouldn't reread, any economics classes I took at Rice fall into this, but those chapters made up the third installment of my life. High School, an installment as well, is probably a book I wouldn't choose to reread. There were good parts, but overall it just wasn't extraordinarily wonderful. But it had to happen.
I'd reread my book on Truett over and over again, even though the ending isn't what I had hoped for. There are wonderful characters in my life, some continual and some periodic, that are with me on this story, our stories intertwining in a grand narrative that is collective life. But ultimately I am the author of my life and it's my story and at times I make the choice of when a book is ending.
Which is all to say that two weeks ago I resigned from my job. The details and reasons aren't important for the sake of this blog, I was already leaving at the end of my contract because of Aberdeen. I've waited to announce this because my clarity grows as my emotions become less raw. In the midst of big decisions I am only emotion, tempered by reason (this is why Jack is a vital character in this story, he's often more reasoning and less emotional than I am). Last week I slept and that sleep lead to clarity. I'm still not 100% sure of my decision, but I'm sure enough and I believe that having faith in anything, especially yourself, means never being 100% positive of anything.
You have to hope that you're making the choices that keep the story on track.
At the same time, I've been clinging to Eccl. 7:8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Good stories depend on the endings. The next book isn't going to open unless the last one finishes, and in that new beginning every possibility exists. I'm anxiously awaiting to see what this next book will hold.
So the book in the series that is my time at Pope John XXIII High School closed today. I say today instead of two weeks ago because today I got a note from one of my student council students. She thanked me for being a great role model and serving with StuCo this year. And that's where I want this book to end. I want my time to have been marked by helping a few students grow and by the friendships I made there. Our stories are too brief to be written about our work unless that work impacts those around us positively. The note makes me feel like the final chapter has closed and I can move on to the next chapter of the next book. I'm pretty sure this chapter will be entitled "Claire frantically prepares for Scotland and tries to learn German" or something similar.
I hope that wherever you are in this chapter of this book of your life, you know that it's still a work in progress. No one's story is ever perfect. Dumbledore dies sometimes. But then the most boring stories in the world are those without conflict, without failure, without redemption. Keep writing your story and make it something worth saving.
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